Tag Archives: triathlon

Standing on the Side of the Road

The race entry had been paid; the training had been done; the reservations for a house to rent have been completed; I have gone over my race needs list at LEAST 5 times; May 8th arrives and my family (and friends) is packed, in the car, and ready to roll out.  We have 500 miles until we reach my race destination spot of Panama City Beach, FL.  YAY!  It is RACE time; it is BEACH time!  The road trip was was quite uneventful until, with only about 2 more hours to go, LGC decides the Subway sandwich she had eaten about 30 minutes prior didn’t agree with the motion of the car.  ICK.  GAK.  And, her backseat friend, Elyse, was mortified while LGC just sat there, after the fact (car still in motion) paralyzed in her Subway sandwich she was unfortunate enough to see again.  *oops*  

Welcome to Florida, the “Sunshine State!” Image

The unloading commences, Stacey and I head to the grocery store to get the necessities and then we all head to the beach.  As I sat in my chair looking at the ocean I had a little concern, as it looked very “choppy” if you will, but I thought “hmm..tomorrow is a new day, all will be fine.”  All is well!  After all, we are in FLORIDA, right?!  WooHoo!  The next picture says it all; “Life was Good That Day” to quote Zac Brown Band… “toes in the water–“

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The next morning comes (Friday morning-day before the race) and we head to the beach after breakfast. HOLY WIND BATMAN! REALLY?  Upon walking over the bridge to the sand/ocean the FIRST thing I see is the ocean and its very mean breakers/waves at that point. Um, this didn’t change over night like I had thought it would/had prayed for.  We get our chairs situated, kids immediately get in the water; HOWEVER, very cautious as the rip current is carrying them down the beach at an amazing rate.

I had previously organized an “open water” ocean swim with some of my triathlon team friends and husband for this day.  After sitting in my chair for about 30-45 minutes, watching the ocean, the current, the kids entering the water and then exiting the water about 100 yards down the beach in a time span of a mere 2 minutes I commenced to enter FREAK OUT mode.  Ain’t nobody got time to go out and swim in that mess.  Susan, who had traveled from Memphis with her husband Scott and son Connor for a small vacation, said “yeah, I brought my wet suit but I am thinkin’ no on the swim.”  Eling finally arrives (so good to see her-she has to do this race with me tomorrow; finally someone who can relate with me!!) with her husband Don and she says the same thing.  THANK YOU SWEET BABY JESUS IN YOUR CRIB I do not have to do this today.  BUT-please little baby Jesus in your crib with the straw and the cows and the 3 men that brought you some presents-don’t let it be this way in the morning; race morning.  GAK! Then, the RED flag comes out and I want to grab a beer and put down the water that I had been religiously drinking to hydrate for the race tomorrow.  Beer makes everything better right?  No.  Just no. (I didn’t drink the beer).  I did, however, get to watch Susan help Connor build amazing sand dinosaurs.  🙂

Later this afternoon I make all my hydration, mixing everything in bottles JUST right; put this all in the fridge so I can easily grab it in the wee hours or the early morning.  Then it is EXPO time!  Eling and Don come pick John and I up and off we go to the Expo-lots of neat stuff there, even got a shirt that says “Swim, Bike, Run, Be Fabulous” on it with a tiara.  Because, well, I am.  🙂  The mandatory bike check-in was not for another hour so Eling and Don take John and I back home.  Eling and I had tossed around the idea of riding our bikes to the check in, because it really wasn’t that far, but decided against it.  John loaded up my bike, I took off my cateye, my bento box (so I could load it with nutrition when I got him later on) and takes me to bike check in.  I see Erin and Rachel there; check my bike, make sure it is in a smaller gear for easy take off, and say night-night and tell Becca (my bike) I will see her bright and early in the a.m.

Carbo loading has to commence and we get the kids and head to the Mellow Mushroom.  I had the same pizza I had, had last year before my first 70.3 I did (Ironman 70.3 Augusta GA) and I had 2 beers-per the normal regime. The Holy Shiitake Pie! We return home and I head to bed for the fighting of sleep that always happens the night before.  Hubster even slept on the couch to give me the entire bed thinking I would sleep more sound.  Sleep sound before the night of a race?  Ha!

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YUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

4:30 a.m.- RISE and SHINE!  It is RACE DAY!  I take Baxter out for a walk, step out the door quietly as to not disturb all the others and the first thing I hear is the sound of the ocean-the SAME sound it has made for the last 2 days and I immediately got a sick feeling pit in my stomach. I don’t walk over and look-because I just can’t.  Baxter does his business and back to the house we go. I have my morning coffee, my normal pre-race breakfast meal, I load all of my nutrition in my transition bag, go over my transition bag items at least 3 times to make sure I haven’t left anything out, grab my Garmin (canNOT leave the house without it) and hit the road with my chauffeur, the hubster.  Roads are already blocked off so Hubster has to drop me off and I walk about 0.5 miles to transition.  I am somewhat nervous, but okay, and then I see that Eling has racked her bike right next to mine-YAY!  Speedy Turtles TOGETHER!  I start unloading, meticulously placing all items I need in all the correct places (OCD is pure hell I tell you) and here she comes-Queen Speedy Turtle (QST)!  We give big hugs to one another, go on about our business and then IT’S TIME-it is time to put on our wet suits, grab our goggles and go face the music.  LAWD have MERCY!

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To the beach we go; I am paying careful attention en route to the beach for the showers that they told us would be there to rinse the sand off of ourselves as well as taking in other details and then SHAZAM there is the ocean (like it was going to go away over night?!-I am dumbass).  I find some of my TRI team members, we smile for photo ops, each one of us say how crazy this is, one of us, Michelle, said “yeah, I lied, this sounded like a good idea months ago.”  Ha!

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Anyway, here I stand, shoulder to shoulder, with Eling.  Hubsters (both mine and Don, Eling’s husband) are right there with us, outside the chute.  The National Anthem is played, I pray (per my normal routine) and I turn again and face the water; still shoulder to shoulder with QST in my wet suit, swim cap; goggles are on and I am listening to the race director who is up on a ladder speaking. What was he saying?  I can’t remember. Why, why can’t you remember Becky?  WELL I WILL TELL YOU WHY-I am looking at Navy SEALS in kayaks who are there for swimmer support who can’t get past the breakers, I am looking at jet ski’s that are up on their ass end and can’t get past the breakers, I am looking at the last buoy (OHMYGAWDTHATISSOFARAWAY) but I can’t see it, in its entirety because it is BOBBING UP AND DOWN so dern much and this is where I summon Sweet Baby J, His Dad and all who are holy to guide me, help me, and let me get through this; myself and all other race participants.  Keep in my the race director is still talking (wha wha wha) and I am still praying, silently crying in my goggles (already fogging up-DAMMIT-and had just been treated with de-fog) and all of a sudden I see my Hubs make the sign like he is chopping his neck off.  WHAT?  What in the fresh hell?  WHAT?? GO. AWAY!  And then I hear it “After talking with the Bay County Sheriff’s office and rescue personnel, we have made the determination that we are going to cancel the swim this morning due to safety concerns. We apologize, but right now due to safety concerns with the Gulf of Mexico we are canceling the swim for everyone’s safety.  There will be a time trial start from the beach to transition.”  OHMYWORD -for that second I didn’t know whether to cry, be excited, pee on myself (I had to go-yes-HYDRATED) or be mad because the mileage of the race just went down 1.2 miles; the 70.3 was no longer true.

Okay-HERE WE GO!  Time trial start to transition (they will release one athlete every 3 seconds); 1/4 mile run from the water’s edge through the sand, to our bike in transition.  I get to transition, Hubster there rooting me on, QST is right behind me, get shoes on, helmet, glasses, the mandatory Hoo Ha Ride Glide (yes, true name, great product), and take my bike out to the “mount line.” Mounted and I’m off!  Man, it felt GREAT!  There was a little breeze, somewhat of a tailwind, and I am getting situated, opening my bento box so I can grab my fig newtons during my ride, getting into a good position with other riders and I am just past the mile 3 mark and I hear a noise-this noise sounds like my chain is hitting some metal (not a big deal; have heard it before).  I try to fix the issue with a simple gearing adjustment-um, that doesn’t work. In motion I look down and all I can see is my entire crank set shifting left to right with every revolution I am making.  So, I tell myself “SELF-it will be a long 51 miles to do this but just slow down, keep your legs as mid line as you can, and finish the bike portion.”  Right about the time I had digested my new game plan “BINK!!!” off pops my crank arm, attached to my bike shoe, and um…obviously I can’t pedal anymore.  HOW DO I STOP?  I am still clipped in with my right foot as well.  I was trying not to wreck, trying not to hurt the parts of my bike completely, knew I would have to scratch some things somehow and managed to come to a safe stop (thank you, Hayzeus) and there I am.  Standing on the Side of the Road.  Michelle, a team mate, passes me and says “I will go get help!”  Cyclists are whizzing by me one by one, some of them asking if I am okay, “well yes, I am-I am not hurt.”  What I am IS Angry, Pissed, Helpless (don’t have the right tool to fix this) and now MacGyver.  I am looking around for something the same dimensions as my crank to screw the bolt back in place.  I can do this!!  Um, no-no I can’t.  I realize this.  (Cyclists still whizzing by me).  Race Support motorcycle goes by and waves, and I wave and point to my bike..she smiles.  I think, “OKAY HELP IS ON THE WAY! YES!” Then, two ladies out for their morning wog pass by and I ask if I can borrow their phone. They oblige and I dial the Hubster’s number. He picks up “what’s wrong??”  I commence to vomit in a chaotic voice what has happened, that race support has passed me, the intersection I am at, what I am looking at and then hang up.”  And there I am, Standing on the Side of the Road.  I am near a convenience store and I watch people come and go; one man walks up to help me and I thank him-but there was no way he could.  A couple out for their morning walk ask me if I need anything, I tell them no.  I am thinking help is on the way-but thank you, nice people. Keep in mind, cyclists are whizzing by me-they have a RACE to do!  🙂   About that time a cyclist, who is out for a morning ride, cycles up and says to me “are you the lady with a crank issue?”  I reply to her that I am, and she states “you need to know your husband is working very hard for you right now back at the race site.”  She is an accomplished cyclist, looks at my problem, I tell her in need an Allen wrench, she doesn’t have one and she walks into the convenience store and comes out and says “um yeah, they don’t even know what an Allen wrench is.” I say thank you, and she pedals away.  And there I am, Standing on the Side of the Road.  I call Hubster again and he tells me there is no race support on the bike course and I am on my own and that he is trying his best to get to me.  WHAT?  WHAT THE HECK DID YOU JUST SAY? No RACE SUPPORT for the bike?  Um….

About this time a man riding a “fat tire” bike with a big ol’ basket on the front comes pedaling up.  “Ma’am, do you have a flat tire?”  I said “no sir, I sure don’t-I wish that was all that was wrong with my bike.”  He says, “well, I want to help you.”  I say “thank you, I appreciate the offer, but I am afraid he can’t.”  He inspects my bike from afar, is enamored with the fact that my shoes are attached the pedals, says “oh you are a PROFESSIONAL then!”  I laugh, tell him “no sir-not quite.”  And he paused, and then he looked at me and said “well, I do hope you have a wonderful Mother’s Day tomorrow-if you are one.”  MELTED MY HEART!  He then told me his name was Xavier (had a foreign accent as well, I told him my name, and away he pedaled.  🙂  The silver lining to a VERY bleek, gray cloud. 

Here comes my CAR!!!!  My HUBSTER!  YES! Hubster gets out, flips this, does this, quick hold this, do this, jam this in there, this will get you going, here you go, wow, okay, yeah, OKAY–GO GO GO GO GO GO GO!!!!  I look at him and say “what if it happens again?!!!”  He says “HERE! TAKE YOUR PHONE!” And, about that time, the last cyclist of the entire race goes by, followed by the motorcycle who follows the last cyclist during the race. I told Hubster to rack my bike and then I just sat in the car and cried.  Hubster too, I believe; on my behalf.  He drives me to park by transition, he is going to go into transition and get my bag for me.  I call my mother and can’t manage to do anything on the phone but cry to her.  She tries to comfort me.  About this time Don, Eling’s husband, walks by where we are parked, he comes over, offers words of solace, and then Hubster returns telling me the Transition Nazi (TN) (we will call her) will not let him get my things.  He did turn in my timing chip, though.  I start immediately walking that way and in my head “let this TN tell ME I can’t get in there to get my things-JUST LET HER.  Obviously, in the angry phase. I walk in without incident, walk out, and ask Hubster to take me back to our house so that I can get out on the run course and cheer on my friends and teammates, and that is exactly what I did. 

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The race was over, we finished cheering on race participants, go back to the house we had rented, and I was mad, I was angry, I was sad, I was exhausted, I was frustrated, I was tired, I was just PISSED to be honest.  All very valid feelings.  We decided to shower and go out to dinner that night and ended up having a great time.

I received a late night visit from QST and her husband Don; we sat out back by the pool with an adult beverage and spoke about the incidences of the day and QST looks at me and tells me that God was looking out for me that day; there was a reason I wasn’t supposed to be out on that course.  And, I agreed.  It was silent for a few minutes and then Don looks at me and says “so, did you know that you got a 4-minute penalty for blocking?”  SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!  WHAT?  WHAT IS BLOCKING?? I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO BLOCK!!!  ARGHHHH!!!!!  Further validation that, that just wasn’t my day.  And, I finally laughed. 

Standing on the Side of the Road-watching every race participant go by (you see, I was in the first wave that went off so EVERYONE had to pass me-) will teach you some things.  It will teach you to be humble.  It will teach you that things are not in your control.  It will teach you to swallow some things that are hard to swallow.  It will teach you that it isn’t your way, it’s God’s way.  

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After all, I did get to spend Mother’s Day on the beach with my family, friends with most importantly with LGC:  🙂

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You see, there will always be another race entry fee to pay.  There will always be more training you can do.  There will NOT always be life lessons and hard times; it is through those hard times you grow, evolve, change, and become a better version of you.  Just. Take. Another. Step. 

 

 

 

 

 

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No DOUBT!

It’s been a while since I could sit and write; my apologies to the three of you that missed it.  🙂

As most of you know my ‘goal’ race this year is fast approaching; the Gulf Coast Half Distance Triathlon.  That’s swimming 1.2 miles; biking 56 and running a half marathon (13.1).  So today on my POPTLB (piece of paper to live by) was a straight 2000 yd swim.  I dropped LGC off at school, arrived at the BRC and got right in; work has been demanding lately (hence no time to write) so I had no time to waste.  I swim in a 25 yard pool so in order to meet my goal for today’s swim I had to swim 40 laps.  Nonstop.  *GAK*  I was on lap 21 and it got a little rough for me, as recently I have a new stroke and it is like learning to swim all over again. I started crazy breathing, worrying, my stroke was all off, and I was way off base and knew I couldn’t remotely get close to my goal distance keeping this mess up.  All I could think was, “Becky, you are going to be in the ocean–you can have absolutely NO DOUBT in yourself whatsoever.  Power through,”  All of a sudden I could picture myself in the ocean, lap 30 I pictured myself turning the last buoy and headed back in to the shore.  I had to dig deep and MAKE myself realize there was no room for doubt.  If I doubt myself and my abilities I could drown; and, ain’t nobody got time for that.  There are times in our workouts, in our lives, in our workplace where doubt wants to be ever present.  We mustn’t let it; and BOY HOWDY is that easier said that done.  Can you be unsure?  Yes.  Can you be afraid?  Yes.  Just don’t doubt yourself or your abilities.  Doubt=no courage; no self worth.  Power Through.

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I do honestly believe it is okay to have fear; fear breeds things like success-you have to want it and push through it.  Fear brings courage; courage you thought you would never have.  Fear CHANGES you.  Doubt HINDERS you.  Am I scared to swim in the ocean?  Um yes; too many variables I have not faced before. Will I wake up and the red flag will be out and the under toe and current awful, waves are huge, buoys bouncing everywhere?  *ACK*  Will I swim anyway, yes; at that point of my most heightened fear I can have absolutely NO doubt.  (see what happened in the pool above)

It is so easy to get caught up in what society “thinks” we should be like; therefore, producing doubt in ourselves.  Example, “well, I saw celebrity “xyz” wear this on TV and she looked gorgeous and here I am in the dressing room and I look like am ‘oomp-a-loomp-a’!”  Well, Charlie, no you don’t-you are doubting yourself and that leads to a downward spiral. Shut it, put whatever is back on the rack and find something YOU like not to copy “xyz”-ain’t nobody got time for that, either. Be. Yourself.

When LGC comes home from school upset because “Sally Sue” said this, and “Jimmy Joe” said this I just wish I could transplant myself in her and go speak to these children; but, kids are kids; they will grow, evolve and learn and it is my job as LGC’s mom to say “listen to me, don’t EVER doubt yourself.  Stand firm in what you believe and let them talk.  If someone else is going to find it necessary to say something mean to you then they have an issue for why they feel like they need to be mean to you in some way.”  Teach strength. Teach perseverance (we still are working on this in my house with LGC).  Teach faith.  TEACHThese teachings just don’t stop when the you think the children are old enough.  I am 38 years young and I am still teaching MYSELF for goodness sake.

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Doubt also can equal failure; if you doubt your abilities you are inclined to fail.  For me, there is absolutely no doubt.  All I can see in the gulf coast white beaches is the finish line that I WILL cross.  Does this mean I won’t have some ugly hard spots along the way? Oh, you can bet your bottom dollar I will.  HOWEVER, I can give myself the tools I need mentally by not letting doubt creep in; the spiral starts at that point.  Always BELIEVE. Never DOUBT. You can ACHIEVE.  The absolute beautiful thing about being on a journey?  You change constantly; always learning.  Accept it.

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I close with this; so many of us get caught up in the who’s, what’s, why’s, must’s of today, pause; reflect.  What if you were at the end of your journey of life?  Would you have doubt that you gave something your all?  Would you doubt that you told certain someones how you felt?  Don’t doubt-power through; conquer all that you want to do; believe in yourself and the journey.

“But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.” ~James 1:6

The Dressing Room Saga

My name is Becky and I don’t like dressing rooms; I didn’t like them when I was at my heaviest weight ever and I don’t like them now. Nope.  Nada.  Never.  Blech!

About 2 weeks ago I was at a fitting for new triathlon team apparel and I am glad I went. I had told hubs “maybe I don’t need to go, I am sure since it is the same maker of our previous apparel the sizes haven’t changed.”  As per my previous post the three of you know that I have struggled with my weight, have extra skin, stretch marks, the whole gambit.  Squeeze all THAT into a spandex TRI suit, or a neoprene wet suit! Ha!  There is a friend of ours on our triathlon team that likes to reference the whole Putting On Your Wet Suit enactment as “trying to squeeze biscuits back in the can.”  This is hilarious.  True.  And while trying to put your wet suit on is guaranteed to spike your heart rate on and make someone ask you if you have fever with these fits?!  Ha!  Spandex is NOT appealing; AT ALL!  Nooooo sirreeeee! But necessary.  Hmpf.

Sooooo, back to the story; I go to this fitting and a few people on my TRI team are there; such very nice people (love my TRI team!). There are items to try on everywhere; the new cycling shorts (hipster style); bathing suit; TRI suits, wind breakers, you NAME it, it is there. I NEED to try on the TRI suit as that is what I intended on ordering as I need a new one for my 70.3 race in May. I am having conversation with fellow TRI teammate (female-beautiful) and another fellow female teammate (also beautiful) walks out and looks STUNNING in her selected outside (sports bra and new cycling shorts).  We talk about the way it feels, possible chafing, etc. and back in she goes. I mention to my teammate “I hope I can wear the same size my current TRI suit is.”  She says “I am SURE you can wear a medium.”  The dressing room becomes available and I finally get in to try the TRI suit on and Good Lord Jesus in Heaven it DOESN’T FIT!!!  COMMENCE DOWNWARD SPIRAL-EVERYONE STAND BACK!!  I believe my EXTERNAL dialogue went something like this (excuse my language) “well this is just bullshi*t!” “I wore a medium last year–NOOOO-not this year obviously.” “All this eating clean crap and core work and…and…and #$&*#$%*&9#$*@9=#&$”  I mean sweating, breathing heavy at this point; “sucking it in” so to speak.  (and, that reminds me, do you suck it in when you step on the scale?  I do….um, WHY?)  and have grown 2 heads that are now spinning out of control.  No amount of sucking it in is going to get me in this suit.  So no, I cannot wear a medium and I am deflated; immediately.

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INTERNAL dialogue, “really, I mean you have run 2 marathons, countless other running races, countless TRIs, a half ironman and you can’t even wear this size suit.  Really Becky.  Really.” I felt inferior (BIG TIME); I felt fat (absolutely!); I can’t wear the hipster shorts this year, why?  Because I can’t wear low rise anything due to excess skin and they are too short (thigh problem areas still); I felt sad.

Crappy internal dialogue + other teammates looking ravishing (yes even in TRI wear) = DISASTER for Becky.  The end product-Becky leaves there mad, angry, upset at herself, feeling inferior, feeling fat and well, dammit, upset.  Don’t EVEN get me started on trying to regular clothes in a dressing room!

I had about a 25 minute drive home which supplied me with much needed self reflection, asking myself WHY I felt the way I felt when I left.  Well, I felt inferior because I want to wear a sports bra and shorts to race in (which will happen-NEVER in this lifetime; nope; NEVER).  I want to be a great athlete like my female teammates.  I want…I want...  (operative word here is WANT, friends).

Hey Becky, dumba$$, why don’t you take a look at what you DO HAVE?!  DAM-MIT! I HATE it when that happens, a 2 x 4 that gets slapped across my face presumably by the Man upstairs.  🙂

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Am I alive?  Yes.  Is my family healthy and okay?  Yes.  Am I being shallow- a RESOUNDING  yes.  Again, dubma$$.

This makes me sad typing this; “I felt sad.”  So stupid if you think about it, honestly.  But yet so viral.  THAT, my friends, is SAD.  Solution?  Be your own hero.  Part of being on your “journey” to a better you is training your mind, too-not just your body.  At the end of the day you have you, your mentality, your dialogue.  LEARN to Be Your Own Hero.

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What happens when you learn to Be Your Own Hero? You get a new ailment “mephobia.”

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One sickness we ALL could live with in my opinion. Train your mind.  Easier said that done and still a work in progress but I strive each day to at least try.  Do you?  No?  Start.