Tag Archives: believe

Lose? Win? Good Enough?

My friend, let’s call her “SB” says “hey, you want to go to Kohl’s?  I will come get you.”  My answer, reluctantly, “sure, I need to go; I need some actual clothes that aren’t workout clothes to wear and a friend of mine had a really cute skort on she got from there”

SB and I have been friends a LOOONNNNGGG time and SB KNOWS I hate to shop. I hated to shop when I was 81 pounds heavier.  I hate to shop now; probably even more so.  Lose weight, everything will be better, right?  WRONG.  New set of issues.

We arrive at Kohl’s, she leads me through the ladies’ clothes area saying “oh, this is CUTE, you need to get this” KNOWING it is out of my comfort zone and KNOWING I hate shopping and KNOWING I can’t pair together a pair of pants and a shirt to save my life.  Shopping is like; well, I would rather gouge my eyeballs out than go shopping.  New job says “hey you can wear scrubs!” And I am all, “HECK YES! Winning! I can ride my bike to work and wear scrubs and not have to wear real clothes to be a peoples?  Sign me up.”

Dressing room for Becky be like:


I digress; we go in to the dressing room, SB gets me situated in a dressing room and then it begins. (See the dressing room saga-earlier post if you need more vivid details on what this saga entails for me).  SB says to me, “do you have the nice black, dress Capri pants on yet?”  I reply; “yes *sigh* hold on a second.” I open the door and SB says to me “SUPER CUTE!” And I point out to SB that the waist is too big, but the inseam is not, and I have to have that size in order to make the proper fit with the inseam.  Therefore, leaving the waist way too big.  It is like this with every pair of pants I own; hard to find a pair that fits. SB says, “have you thought about having surgery to remove some of the excess skin?”  Have I?  Absolutely.  Would it make me 100% happy?  Well no.  The struggle is real.

SB says to me, “well, you are going to have to pay to have things altered now I guess.”  *double sigh* *eye roll* and whatever else I could muster up.

I HATE SHOPPING.  You lose weight; do you win?  Are you good enough?  Struggle.  And then-you remember you are fearfully and wonderfully made.  But does that help me right then and there in the dressing room?  It HAS to; or I will drive myself nuts.


I guess, through all of my struggles, I have won and come out stronger. I have finally realized that I could go have surgery, I could go have botox (approaching 40, stay outside a lot, have wrinkled skin on my face) or… I can choose to be okay with it.  You see, I have the choice.  Very simple; you choose to hate it, or you choose to love it; love YOU.  There is no amount of botox, designer clothes, surgery, shots, fad diets that will work.  It didn’t break overnight, it won’t get fixed over night. It is a daily progressive process; one step at a time. You will fall; and guess what?  You get back UP!  Every.  Single.  Time.  And, you realize that beauty is in the eyes of God and YOURSELF.


I started my journey to a better me 4 years ago-I have never regretted it not once.  What I didn’t account for was the journey my soul/heart would take on the inside.  I have found a closer relationship to Christ; a deep friendship wtih so many; acceptance by so many; the ability to finally be around like-minded individuals who make life easier, happier, and more blessed; the ability to give back and never forget where I have come from.  I could go on and on.  It is by His grace that I am who I am and where I am in life.  And, I have lost.  And I have won.  I will continue to do both; by His grace.

I am good enough.  Are you?  OF COURSE you are.

Don’t be a ‘grinch’, don’t be a ‘Becky in the dressing room,” be YOU.  And, never settle.  Just keep going forward and keep your eye on the prize.


Fear The Turtle


Speedy Turtle was created by Eling (Queen Speedy Turtle) who is a friend of mine and a Memphis Thunder Racing teammate.


(Queen Speedy Turtle on the left; myself-Ninja Turtle on the right)

Speedy Turtle was created to document Eling’s triathlon journey.

Speedy Turtle is the epitome of perseverance, courage, strength, and positivism/optimism.

Speedy Turtle didn’t matter how fast she could swim a lap in; what MPH her bike was; or what her minute/mile pace was on the run-it mattered that she got out of the door and did these three disciplines.

Speedy Turtle in 2014 evolved.  I, Ninja Turtle, already knowing Eling of course and love(d) her and the concept, began to realize this needed to be a “thing” and Eling agree and was kind enough to share her concept.  More ‘turtles’ started to come around, all setting out to do the three (one or two was fine, too) disciplines surrounded by like-minded ‘turtles’, good athletes, caring peoples and the will and motivation to push themselves to a new personal achievement for themselves-what a GREAT 2014 we had!  There was/is no room for negativity.  There is ALWAYS room for encouragement.

Speedy Turtle according to myself, Ninja T.(get your popcorn ready):

I was a 40 pound overweight smoker in 2011.  I needed a change.  Triathlon/running and the athletic community I have surrounded myself with has been my key to success.  First goal? ‘Wog’ a 5K.  Second goal? “Wog a half marathon.” Third goal? “Run running races faster that I had previously; even if it was just by one second-push myself harder.” Fourth goal? “Triathlon; sprint.” FAST FORWARD TO PRESENT DAY Current Goal? “PR my upcoming half Ironman race with undeniable faith, courage, effort, strength and perseverance and to give God the Glory!”   You see-for me, there is always a goal.  That is how I stay motivated. Hit one goal; make another.  Rinse; repeat. I am competitive-but with myself.  Sometimes on a fun bike ride with other peoples I will ‘race them’; but I don’t let it consume me. What ‘consumes’ me is each time I step up to the start line I need and want to be the best version of the athlete I can be; and I want to beat the old version of me-even if by 0.01.  If I gave 100% then I set out to do what I needed to do; I hit my goal.  But Becky, you didn’t PR!!?  *eye roll*  Well, actually-each time you have the courage to start something and work hard toward something you ‘PR’ your internal well being; spiritually, emotionally and PHYSICALLY.  My friends, that is a PR. What would have happened if you didn’t even step to the start line?  And, when I finish; did I place?  Nope. Did I win something? Why yes, yes I did-I won the adoration from my fellow ‘turtles’, my family, friends, and MYSELF.  The last word is key; your self.  Did I learn something?  YOU BETCHA! I will train harder, push myself harder and the next time I toe the start line of an event I will try to beat the last version of Becky that toed the start line.  Bam!  I don’t know everything; I learn new things every day and love doing so-but I WILL share what I do know-always. Need help?  Just ask me, please.

Becoming very involved with Speedy Turtles has enabled me to give back, to help encourage, to lift up others and that is food for my soul.  The look on someone’s face when they “get” how to gear their bike up Mt. Monroe.  The look on their face when that gearing worked and they CLIMBED it!   I speak for Queen (Eling) Speedy Turtle when I say this as well-that is what it is all about.  When you can take yourself, and others, help them, push them, encourage them-THEN you are a ‘turtleworthy’ (and I totally just made that word up-don’t try to google it-ha!).

Speedy Turtle 2015-WOW!  We have some exciting things going on!  We have Queen signed up to do her First IRONMAN!!  We have several of us signed up to do a half Ironman; we have several doing their first ever triathlon; we have several just getting comfortable on their bikes; and we will have several that will be new and need help.  I love it when an Ironman can help a Newbie; and then the Newbie turns around and helps the Ironman (like helped the half ironman do Yoga in the parking lot-it’s a thing).  There are no boundaries.  To the person that is doing their first triathlon-that IS their Ironman!! They had the courage to sign up, have committed to this and they will do it. That is the same concept regardless if you are new, seasoned, triathlete, runner, dog walker, speed walker, walker, human being.  You get the picture. And, you ALWAYS help your fellow ‘turtle;’ no one gets left behind to journey alone (unless it is a tempo run and the person prefers to run alone and you don’t want to hear colorful sentence enhancers (ahem)-you are exempt).  And, for GOODNESS SAKE, it doesn’t matter how fast you go-what matters?  You started.  I won’t accept any argument.  You have to believe that for yourself-or fail.  Get consumed in what others think and/or are doing?  You can’t give 100% to yourself; and, ain’t nobody got time for that!


In order to be the best version of ourselves, as ‘Turtles,’ athletes, friends, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, aliens, Felecias, we need to push ourselves.  This year, as we go forward, we will have some changes to our ride group paces-so that we can push one another and give 100%; we will have a “kick off” party (details coming soon) and we truly hope that you always exhibit the spirit of “The Turtle” in all you do.  Impossible?  No.  FEAR the Turtle.


Speedy Turtle-2015 will be amazing; you just have to want it to be!

Thanks for listening; make sure to tip your bartenders and your waitresses-I’ll be here all night.  🙂

Ninja T.


It’s been a while since I could sit and write; my apologies to the three of you that missed it.  🙂

As most of you know my ‘goal’ race this year is fast approaching; the Gulf Coast Half Distance Triathlon.  That’s swimming 1.2 miles; biking 56 and running a half marathon (13.1).  So today on my POPTLB (piece of paper to live by) was a straight 2000 yd swim.  I dropped LGC off at school, arrived at the BRC and got right in; work has been demanding lately (hence no time to write) so I had no time to waste.  I swim in a 25 yard pool so in order to meet my goal for today’s swim I had to swim 40 laps.  Nonstop.  *GAK*  I was on lap 21 and it got a little rough for me, as recently I have a new stroke and it is like learning to swim all over again. I started crazy breathing, worrying, my stroke was all off, and I was way off base and knew I couldn’t remotely get close to my goal distance keeping this mess up.  All I could think was, “Becky, you are going to be in the ocean–you can have absolutely NO DOUBT in yourself whatsoever.  Power through,”  All of a sudden I could picture myself in the ocean, lap 30 I pictured myself turning the last buoy and headed back in to the shore.  I had to dig deep and MAKE myself realize there was no room for doubt.  If I doubt myself and my abilities I could drown; and, ain’t nobody got time for that.  There are times in our workouts, in our lives, in our workplace where doubt wants to be ever present.  We mustn’t let it; and BOY HOWDY is that easier said that done.  Can you be unsure?  Yes.  Can you be afraid?  Yes.  Just don’t doubt yourself or your abilities.  Doubt=no courage; no self worth.  Power Through.


I do honestly believe it is okay to have fear; fear breeds things like success-you have to want it and push through it.  Fear brings courage; courage you thought you would never have.  Fear CHANGES you.  Doubt HINDERS you.  Am I scared to swim in the ocean?  Um yes; too many variables I have not faced before. Will I wake up and the red flag will be out and the under toe and current awful, waves are huge, buoys bouncing everywhere?  *ACK*  Will I swim anyway, yes; at that point of my most heightened fear I can have absolutely NO doubt.  (see what happened in the pool above)

It is so easy to get caught up in what society “thinks” we should be like; therefore, producing doubt in ourselves.  Example, “well, I saw celebrity “xyz” wear this on TV and she looked gorgeous and here I am in the dressing room and I look like am ‘oomp-a-loomp-a’!”  Well, Charlie, no you don’t-you are doubting yourself and that leads to a downward spiral. Shut it, put whatever is back on the rack and find something YOU like not to copy “xyz”-ain’t nobody got time for that, either. Be. Yourself.

When LGC comes home from school upset because “Sally Sue” said this, and “Jimmy Joe” said this I just wish I could transplant myself in her and go speak to these children; but, kids are kids; they will grow, evolve and learn and it is my job as LGC’s mom to say “listen to me, don’t EVER doubt yourself.  Stand firm in what you believe and let them talk.  If someone else is going to find it necessary to say something mean to you then they have an issue for why they feel like they need to be mean to you in some way.”  Teach strength. Teach perseverance (we still are working on this in my house with LGC).  Teach faith.  TEACHThese teachings just don’t stop when the you think the children are old enough.  I am 38 years young and I am still teaching MYSELF for goodness sake.


Doubt also can equal failure; if you doubt your abilities you are inclined to fail.  For me, there is absolutely no doubt.  All I can see in the gulf coast white beaches is the finish line that I WILL cross.  Does this mean I won’t have some ugly hard spots along the way? Oh, you can bet your bottom dollar I will.  HOWEVER, I can give myself the tools I need mentally by not letting doubt creep in; the spiral starts at that point.  Always BELIEVE. Never DOUBT. You can ACHIEVE.  The absolute beautiful thing about being on a journey?  You change constantly; always learning.  Accept it.



I close with this; so many of us get caught up in the who’s, what’s, why’s, must’s of today, pause; reflect.  What if you were at the end of your journey of life?  Would you have doubt that you gave something your all?  Would you doubt that you told certain someones how you felt?  Don’t doubt-power through; conquer all that you want to do; believe in yourself and the journey.

“But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.” ~James 1:6