Wait, What?

My ‘Mom’: “Who would have ever thought this would occur?”

Myself, “I know.”

‘Mom’: “It sounds as if you are following in our foot steps; after your parents died Gary and I kept asking ourselves, ‘what will happen next?’ and then something would happen.  And then Sam was born premature.  And then your grandfather got sick (Alzheimer’s) and then your grandmother got sick (bulbar palsy-the form of ALS that starts in your throat with slurred speech and then travels out to your extremities) and then…”

Me: “I know.”

So, wait; WHAT?

April 2014 around 6 a.m. John comes in my home office and says, “hey, tomorrow morning do you think you can go out and run with me and help me run faster?  I just went out and ran and I feel like I can’t run right; I feel like my brain isn’t talking to my foot.”

January 2016: I have purchased a rear-entry handicap accessible van, we have had extensive home renovations done, a power wheelchair has been obtained, ramps are at each exit/entry of our home and John no longer TRIs, runs, jogs, or walks.  John is currently no longer training; he is enduring ‘his’ “Ironman.”  I was able to get John out with ease (no hurling the manual wheelchair in the back of my Subaru, no difficulty with him transferring from said manual wheelchair to the passenger’s seat in the car), about two weeks ago, to go to the grocery store; the first time he had been to the grocery (freedom! Out of the house!) in about 5 months (EVEN IF if was the Thursday before Snowmagedon 2016 and we were there with the rest of the City of Memphis-ha!). Never mind the fact that I was busy closing up the new “transformer van” as our friends have started to call it and I went to turn to ask him if he was okay, was he had unloaded okay (?), and dude was GONE!  Pulled down EASILY some 8 minute miles in the parking lot of Kroger, and I was ill prepared, not loaded properly and shocked-and had quite a bit of ground to make up to beat him to the door of the store.  I lost.)

#hisfirstselfie

mejohngrocery

You see, the working diagnosis is motor neuron disease, unspecified.  Motor Neuron Disease (MND) is a mystic disease of which there are approximately 4 types; ALS being one of them.  MND consists of your brain talking to your extremity, but your nerves can’t carry that signal.  So, your brain says “go go go!” And your muscle just sits there, alone, not working…and then creates its own language, and then just wastes away-as it has no leadership anymore.  Want to know more, ask him.  Please understand this is my post and I will not, in any way, minimize or take away from his ‘race.’   I am just the Sherpa.  🙂

So, wait; WHAT?  “They have to be having problems in their marriage, she doesn’t post on FB about him anymore; he doesn’t post on FB anymore.”  “I bet they are divorced.  If not divorced, they have split ways or are having trouble.”  Wait, WHAT?  Social Media and your ‘status’ is the prime indicator something is wrong!  You’re doing it wrong!  Ha!  Oh, and BTW, I am not sure ANYONE has the perfect marriage; I will just leave that right there.

So, wait; WHAT?  So, why are you writing about this, Becky?  Well, I will tell the three of you.  It is important to me to share, within reason, so that whatever I, or we, may be going through, it shows others that with His love, Grace, Mercy, and my Faith -it will always be well with my soul.  And, if one person can derive a feeling of, ‘if they can do this I can do it, too-I can believe, I can endure; no matter what the circumstance,’ then that just enhances the reason(s) I wanted to write about this.

Every one of us has ‘demons;’ trials and tribulations; ‘issues;’ life happenings; sadness; and each of us has their own unique story and history.  For me, I cannot afford to waste any time on the “why is this happening to (me) train.”  I have to put one foot in front of the other, thank God each and every day for the gift of just being here, and try to help those in need,  raise my Little Girl Child, nurture my family, be kind to anyone I meet, and laugh.  Laughing is so important to me.   If I choose to have a 24-7-365 pity party, what good am I to my family?  To my friends?  Toxic. I am toxic.   And that is not what He wants for me; nor what my family and friends deserve and guess what, I DON’T DESERVE IT.  So, I try so hard each and every day to smile and put my best foot forward; for there is Joy in the morning.

morning is gods way of saying

Warrior; when I hear the word ‘Warrior’ I think ‘strength;’ ‘perseverance;’ ‘ability to withstand great trials and tribulations;’ ‘ability to come out on the other side,’ whether Heavenly or Earthly, knowing you fought the good fight, kept the Faith, and you ran the race that God wanted you to run with endurance-for that is what we are called to do.  And, if you did cross the finish line into Heaven-can you IMAGINE the prize that awaits?  I sure can, I pray about it fervently; and await the day that I can be reunited with all of my loved ones.  For now, I will be a Warrior; a ‘Sherpa;’ and as kind and giving as I can be-in each facet of my life; be it ‘Sherpa’ duties, motherly duties, daughterly duties, friendly duties and my own personal training duties.  Fate should be afraid; I am the Storm and I am coming with the Thunder.  😉

fate whispers to the warrior-i am the storm

And on particularly bad days when it is hard; when I wake up at 4 a.m. to work job#1, to swim, to take child to school, to perform ‘Sherpa duties,’ to work job #2, to come home and start job #3 with cooking dinner, and then see to some volunteer things I do (love my TRI team! running community!) and laugh! I remind myself that on these particularly bad days I am still blessed; I am surrounded with some absolutely amazing people in my life and if I woke up able and willing, then BY GOD I am blessed; lucky; and going to give it my best shot for the day.  Will I cry?  Absolutely.  Will I be overwhelmed?  Frequently.  Will I survive?  Hands down.  Will I wake up rinse; and repeat?  Errrrrrday!

So wait; WHAT?  If you have ill will, bad intentions, ulterior motives and offer drama and ’emotional unnecessary roughness’-I can’t be a part to that.  I must keep it simple.  Are we not called to be the best version of us that we can be?  For me, my Joy is in the Lord, my family, my friends and my SENSE OF HUMOR!  Aside from the Big Man Upstairs, it is through laughter and my crazy family and friends where I find significant joy.

So, yeah; THAT’S WHAT.  🙂

Now, where did put my beer?  Cheers!

 

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2 thoughts on “Wait, What?”

  1. you both are a great inspiration to others. Positive thoughts and prayers always! Great times growing up with John and Janna!

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