My friend, let’s call her “SB” says “hey, you want to go to Kohl’s? I will come get you.” My answer, reluctantly, “sure, I need to go; I need some actual clothes that aren’t workout clothes to wear and a friend of mine had a really cute skort on she got from there”
SB and I have been friends a LOOONNNNGGG time and SB KNOWS I hate to shop. I hated to shop when I was 81 pounds heavier. I hate to shop now; probably even more so. Lose weight, everything will be better, right? WRONG. New set of issues.
We arrive at Kohl’s, she leads me through the ladies’ clothes area saying “oh, this is CUTE, you need to get this” KNOWING it is out of my comfort zone and KNOWING I hate shopping and KNOWING I can’t pair together a pair of pants and a shirt to save my life. Shopping is like; well, I would rather gouge my eyeballs out than go shopping. New job says “hey you can wear scrubs!” And I am all, “HECK YES! Winning! I can ride my bike to work and wear scrubs and not have to wear real clothes to be a peoples? Sign me up.”
Dressing room for Becky be like:
I digress; we go in to the dressing room, SB gets me situated in a dressing room and then it begins. (See the dressing room saga-earlier post if you need more vivid details on what this saga entails for me). SB says to me, “do you have the nice black, dress Capri pants on yet?” I reply; “yes *sigh* hold on a second.” I open the door and SB says to me “SUPER CUTE!” And I point out to SB that the waist is too big, but the inseam is not, and I have to have that size in order to make the proper fit with the inseam. Therefore, leaving the waist way too big. It is like this with every pair of pants I own; hard to find a pair that fits. SB says, “have you thought about having surgery to remove some of the excess skin?” Have I? Absolutely. Would it make me 100% happy? Well no. The struggle is real.
SB says to me, “well, you are going to have to pay to have things altered now I guess.” *double sigh* *eye roll* and whatever else I could muster up.
I HATE SHOPPING. You lose weight; do you win? Are you good enough? Struggle. And then-you remember you are fearfully and wonderfully made. But does that help me right then and there in the dressing room? It HAS to; or I will drive myself nuts.
I guess, through all of my struggles, I have won and come out stronger. I have finally realized that I could go have surgery, I could go have botox (approaching 40, stay outside a lot, have wrinkled skin on my face) or… I can choose to be okay with it. You see, I have the choice. Very simple; you choose to hate it, or you choose to love it; love YOU. There is no amount of botox, designer clothes, surgery, shots, fad diets that will work. It didn’t break overnight, it won’t get fixed over night. It is a daily progressive process; one step at a time. You will fall; and guess what? You get back UP! Every. Single. Time. And, you realize that beauty is in the eyes of God and YOURSELF.
I started my journey to a better me 4 years ago-I have never regretted it not once. What I didn’t account for was the journey my soul/heart would take on the inside. I have found a closer relationship to Christ; a deep friendship wtih so many; acceptance by so many; the ability to finally be around like-minded individuals who make life easier, happier, and more blessed; the ability to give back and never forget where I have come from. I could go on and on. It is by His grace that I am who I am and where I am in life. And, I have lost. And I have won. I will continue to do both; by His grace.
I am good enough. Are you? OF COURSE you are.
Don’t be a ‘grinch’, don’t be a ‘Becky in the dressing room,” be YOU. And, never settle. Just keep going forward and keep your eye on the prize.